My life these passed two to three weeks have been crazy. My grandmother died. We are trying to find a new house. Everything is just going downhill. I need and upbringing week but this week was not it, of course. I had the most embarrassing conversations with adults, gave up my last ipod( yes I have been hiding it). Today, at lunch I realized something.. I am afraid of what will happen when I die. I know that God died for me, I know I am a sinner but I don’t know what will happen to me. I know I got baptized.. but why do I always feel so weird during invitation time at church? I have this feeling like I need to accept Christ but I thought I have already done it. I never feel guilty about anything unless I get caught. I never feel conviction. I never feel close to Jesus anymore. I feel like a horrible person for this. But if you look at my life and someone who wasn’t a Christian you’d think ‘what is the difference between her’s and her’s?’ I know I have not been living right. I know I need to change but it’s hard to change. It’s hard to be doing something one day and then having to quit cold turkey. Ya know? Well, I guess the point is that I am unsure as of right now of where I will spend eternity. I feel like a hypocrite going to a Christian school but not sure of really being a Christian. I don’t know if this is a normal thing to go through but it is killing me. i drive and I am sixteen years old.. I could die in a car wreck any second and die.. Heaven or Hell? That gave me chill bumps.
