Strength?

What is strength? Physically is it being able to pick up 20 pounds in one hand, or is it holding back the 200 tears that are going to fall? Is it being able to fall completely to rock bottom and pick yourself back up? Is it being able to show that you are strong and get pulled to the side and get told how strong you are and how they are proud of you and how you have turned out after all these things that keeps happening to you.

All I want people to see in me is strength, and how no matter what life throws at me I keep strong in my faith, and I stumble but I am able to pick myself back up. I want people to be able to see me for not giving up on hope, and love, and happiness, and true love.

June to September is probably the 4 most emotional months for me, and the most eventful months that happened in two years. I know that they aren't suffering anymore, but sometimes I miss them more than I know what to do with. I miss having a grandmom to run to and go shopping and get mani/pedi's with.

Things happen for a reason, I don't know why all this is happening but, I know one day it will help somehow.. someway..

"Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger"

Looking back..

This time last year I had no idea that the next coming up year would be such an emotional year. I had no idea that I would lose my grandmother. I had no idea that my family would fall apart. No idea that my house would be foreclosed on, and we'd have to move out of the house I have grown up in and the house that I will forever want back. I never thought I'd make it through the school year and actually pass. I never knew that I would get my dream, and it would come crashing down like an ocean wave crashing down on the sand. I never imagined how incredibly hard this year was going to be & how many mistakes I would make knowing that I shouldn't do them.. I did them anyway. Some of them I can't ever get back, but God still loves me. I changed churches which I am so glad I did, I've gotten so close to God. I had spiritual war fare, which was pretty scary but, yes I made it through. I had a friendship I left, come back together & I am soo glad that it did. She is and will forever be my best friend.

I never ever in my wildest imagination imagined I would be going on a mission trip.. much less going to Alaska on a plane. It is absolutely the COOLEST thing I will ever get to do. I know that God wants me to go to this.

Well, this is my last summer in high school.. Which is so depressing. :/ but, I get to go to Alaska for it :) so, it's all better now.