I hate facing things. I hate having to admit that something is wrong. I want to be this person who is completely and totally strong, like there is nothing wrong. Admitting that something is going on in my life is like stabbing a knife in my chest. I do tell people what is wrong but it is like this: I hate doing it but I do it anyway. I really don't understand what is wrong with me and why I do it. Okay, here it's time to face it and say it and not hear someone else say it. My dad left. There. Why was that so hard? It's just three simple words yes, but three words I never wanted to hear from someone much less in my own family. I never understood this deep fear of people leaving me and not wanting me, but it all clicked today. It's because someone who was dear to me left. Someone who was part of my life for 16.. wait 17 years just decided to give up on his family and decided to give up on something that was supposed to never end. Families are supposed to stick together, and if they don't then how can you expect something else to last. My biggest fear as of right now is my boyfriend leaving me. I am cautious on how I talk to him and what I say about my feelings with him because if he leaves I don't know what I will do. I have wanted this so long and it's finally reality, if it goes away.. let me just stop there. I am soo ready for graduation day, yet I am dreading it more than anything I can ever imagine dreading. It all goes back to the 8th grade when I changed schools (and my other best friends graduated) she said she would be there for me forever and she got a boyfriend and forgot all about me. People at my other schools said they'd miss me and text me every day.. You know how many actually did that? 0. I thought some of us was soo close guess not.
I wish I could hide my feelings...
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