I've said I will change so many times I can hardly ever believe myself. I have a hard time when I walk out of the church walls to stick to what promises I made to myself while in there. This time. This time I don't want it to be the same as the other times, I want it to be different. I really want to get over these addictions because they are tearing me apart. I'm not going to go into them but please pray for me with them. I have been 3 days and this has been the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do. It doesn't really help when I fail with everything else I do, but I know one thing is for sure I will NOT go back to the "hidden lifestyle" I had, and waste God's time with me. I don't see how he can love me all that he loves me. It just blows my mind, I mean I constantly sin against him, and he loves me still.. I just.. am in all astonishment. His love really is never failing.
Today was probably one of the worst days out of the 3 days. Normally, when I have a bad day I come home and escape, but I couldn't do that. I had to come home and do something different. Of course, I chose to spend my time with Jesus. In the spiritual sense, I loved being in His presence all afternoon. In the flesh, I want to go back, but I know with God I can overcome anything and everything. Progress isn't measured by whether or not you have beat something in a long term scale but if you win the daily battles.
Dear Jesus,
I am so thankful that you have still loved me even though I have turned against you, and walked away, and you stood there with open arms waiting on me to come back. I am so thankful that you opened my eyes on Sunday and made me want to change my ways for good. I ask one thing, and that is for strength. Strength to overcome this battle, and when a negative thought pops into my mind, I pray that you help me change it so I can overcome this battle. Thank you so much for loving me, and never stopping. I can't even express how much it means. I hope that you accept my apology for turning against you and running in the opposite way, which no one knew about but me and You. Thank you for putting me through all these struggles and trails, and I hope one day you can put me where I am supposed to, so I can testify the goodness that you have, are doing, and are going to do in my life. Thank you for putting the people in my life that I have because if it wasn't for them then I have no idea where I would be God..
-Your Daughter.
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