Somedays..

I just want to give up.. I don't want to move on.. I don't want to get out of bed.. I mean what is the point? The pain will still be there. The whole will be there still. No matter how hard I try to make myself happy. No matter what I am doing something of me is missing. Something isnt right.. I hate it.. Giving up just seems like the easiest thing to do, but I know I have to be strong for my mom and brother.. and sometimes that is exhausting. I hate it when I break down and cry.. Its not normal to cry this much is it? Happiness is supposed to come when I trust in God right? So where is this happiness? Am I supposed to look over the pain because if so that is impossible. It seems like when I am at the weakest moment in my day someone I know I shouldn't text texts me.. Then I have the need to text them back but if I do more people will walk out on me.. It feels like everyone is leaving me.. and the people I want to stay leave me for my stupid retarded mistakes.. I need to grow up and learn that guys can't mend this whole, only time can. Future is scary.. I don't know what is going to happen or how we are going to do this. I am worried. I mean who woudlnt be? I know Jesus will handle everything but how will you hand it over. I just can't.. It is way to much to carry but I am afraid if I give it over something bad will happen. My dreams haunt me day in and day out.. I have horrible dreams.. So, I hate to sleep. Nothing makes them go away.