Ugh,

Today SUCKED.. It couldnt get any worse from here.. No one knows how bad I hurt and all I want is something to make this whole go away. Okay, so maybe I don't take advice.. or I am not a good pretty person.. I have my flaws but it's still hard to get over this. I am going to counseling next week.. I hope that will help because something has got to change.. Yes, I went back to my ex.. but for some reason when I talk or text him no matter what he says it makes me feel good.. Grr, why does this happen? I only find true happiness when I get attention from guys.. Does that make me a slut? hoe? whore? God, I sure hope not. I know God should be the only one who makes me happy but He just doesn't.. When I listen to Jesus music I don't even feel happy anymore.. What is wrong with me? So, this person said that he wanted me today and then he said other things.. It sucks.. Why can't someone just want me for me? Why does there always have to be: If I do this you have to do this deal.. That isn't a true relationship right? As I write this I keep playing that song "More Beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz.. Right now, a lot of people have left me.. because of me going back to my ex.. I should have never opened my mouth.. How stupid am I? Why can't I learn that I don't have to tell people stuff. I am glad I erased my messages today.. (: lol. Erase is the best thing ever invented.. Maybe college will be better for me.. I sure hope so.. Next year I might have to go to Smiths Station.. Which will suck even more.. Sometimes I really think God likes seeing me unhappy.. I wonder why all this is happening.