Emotions..

I have a right to be scared? mad? angry? sad? anxious?

I think I do.. Emotions suck! lol. I mean what's the point of them? for other people to know that something is wrong? no matter how much and hard I try to hide it sometimes it just won't stay hid. I feel like a baby when I cry over the same thing more than once in front of people.. Brooke said that its okay to cry; it's hard for me to take that it's okay. I mean all it does is show a) I am human and b) how red and splotchy my face can get. I normally cry in my pillow at night that way no one can know anything is wrong.. but sometimes all you can do is break down. It bothers me when people tease and look down on people when they make a mistake or are being themselves. Okay, so maybe they are weird but if that is how God wants them to be then so be it. People can't help how they look so just leave them alone..

This certain someone I know is the biggest user ever. I mean he knew what was going on with me, I helped him through a lot of stuff, shoot, I even took him to church and out to eat and everything and then he drops me like a dang penny. I mean really? and now, he wants to talk to me (after not talking to me for two or three days) and act like nothing happened, like my feelings weren't hurt, like my heart wasn't broken even more. It is all I have right now NOT to talk to him because all I want to do is talk to him.. He is being all sweet and all  I can do is say "ok".. His relationship with the girl he just "dated" lasted for three days and I think he is crawling back to me because he is sad and wants to have a girlfriend.. I am better than that right? I am better than someone's "backup plan".. I guess I am..

As soon as I start feeling relief something happens. I end up being sad before I go to bed always.. (thank God for sleep medicine). I got a bruster's milkshake.. Of course I know.. Food(: lol. that always makes me happy. I am tired of being the only one making the effort to see him.. I am tired of begging &calling first. If he wanted to see me and if he wanted to talk to me he would do it.. Now, that I am waiting on him I feel empty.. I feel lonely and I feel like he doesn't care. So why should I?

Man of the House quote:
cheerleader says: "Put on your happy face"
man says: "This is my happy face"